"We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result, men are valued not for what they are but for what they do or what they have - for their usefulness."
— Thomas Merton
When it comes to therapy and mental illness, there is a tendency in our culture to idealize the Greatest and Silent Generations—those roughly in their 60s-90s—for the way they handle their problems. They sucked it up, they didn’t complain, they didn’t need to go to therapy or a support group.
This is often contrasted with the situation today, where it is said that people are too open with their problems. Using this logic, people have suggested that the increase in diagnoses of mental disorders is not a result of a greater recognition for these illnesses and the toll they take on people but rather a result of weakness on the part of the younger generations who can’t handle their problems the way their grandparents could. Unlike us, they could deal with their problems without requiring a diagnosis, therapy, and medication. That they are stronger than us is an idea that is perpetuated again and again.
In light of this persistent and I believe wrong-headed attitude, I read with great interest this New York Times article about elderly people who start therapy late in life. I found it notable that the reason this generation didn’t seek therapy wasn’t that they were somehow stronger than us but rather that there was an enormous stigma to it. Note especially this section [emphasis mine]:
That members of the Greatest Generation would feel comfortable talking to a therapist, or acknowledging psychological distress, is a significant change. Many grew up in an era when only “crazy” people sought psychiatric help. They would never admit to themselves — and certainly not others — that anything might be wrong. “For people in their 80s and 90s now, depression was considered almost a moral weakness,” said Dr. Gallagher-Thompson. “Fifty years ago, when they were in their 20s and 30s, people were locked up and someone threw away the key. They had a terrible fear that if they said they were depressed, they were going to end up in an institution. So they learned to look good and cover their problems as best they could.”
It wasn’t that they were somehow better at handling their problems than we are. And in fact being forced to bury their problems probably made it that much harder for them to get the kind of help they needed, even as therapy became more accepted.
Drinking dry roasted edamame from a bag
Harlem River Drive
I hope everyone at some point in his or her life has a chance to listen to “Harlem River Drive” by Bobby Humphrey. Great song.
People who make rare appearances on Facebook
Do you ever see a posting from someone who almost never posts on Facebook and you wonder, why on earth did this person choose this to post about? It will be for instance something silly about their pet, or cheering on their sports team, or an “I love my best friend”-type post. Something so utterly uncontroversial as to make it really truly mystifying that this person has restrained himself or herself from posting on Facebook for so long, only then to have chosen to post something so, so, so banal.
Or perhaps there’s something to be appreciated in a person who appreciates life’s simpler things.
Today in Amazon reviews: ‘Soviet Filters”
Amazon reviews are way too much fun. Here’s mine on Chemex Filters:
If you own a Chemex, you really don’t have a choice with filters. It’s these guys or nothing. So fine, I’ll go with your filters, Chemex, but I’ll continue to point out that as long as there is only one choice of Chemex filter, we all live in a one-filter state.
I love writing Amazon reviews
It’s actually really fun. Here’s a recent one I wrote about Mad Men, Season 6:
Season 6 is shaping up well. It really got going once Pete Campbell emerged. For some reason he’s such a joy to watch. So far there’s a lot of setup, but I imagine pretty soon we’ll be seeing some of the big events happen.
Songs that are used in movie trailers
There’s no way that “Feelin’ Alright” by Joe Cocker hasn’t been in at least five movie trailers.
Watching Sea Lions at San Francisco Bay
Nothing makes me love traveling across America more than standing passively among other Americans (and some foreigners) and commenting on things, especially when those things are animals, and especially when they’re sea lions and we’re in San Francisco.
This video is from a road trip I took last summer with my best friend from school up the California coast. Needless to say, we saw a lot of sea lions on the way.
The man in the cowboy hat and counseling
In the story of the man in the cowboy hat who ran toward the explosion in Boston while others ran away, I couldn’t help but notice this fact [emphasis mine]:
When his 20-year-old son was killed in Iraq in 2004, Arrendondo was inconsolable. In his agony and rage, he set a van on fire and received help through counseling. Seven years later, his other son committed suicide.
It is pretty inspiring that a man who has gone through so much suffering and who once set a van on fire could do what he did at the Boston Marathon. I can’t help but think the counseling had something to do with it and to see this as an example of the importance of counseling, which is still so under-valued in our society.
