Elaine Meyer

"We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result,..."

elainermeyer — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 22:50:28 -0400

“We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result, men are valued not for what they are but for what they do or what they have - for their usefulness.”

- Thomas Merton

The older generations are coming around to therapy

elainermeyer — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 08:02:30 -0400

The older generations are coming around to therapy:

When it comes to therapy and mental illness, there is a tendency in our culture to idealize the Greatest and Silent Generations—those roughly in their 60s-90s—for the way they handle their problems. They sucked it up, they didn’t complain, they didn’t need to go to therapy or a support group.

This is often contrasted with the situation today, where it is said that people are too open with their problems. Using this logic, people have suggested that the increase in diagnoses of mental disorders is not a result of a greater recognition for these illnesses and the toll they take on people but rather a result of weakness on the part of the younger generations who can’t handle their problems the way their grandparents could. Unlike us, they could deal with their problems without requiring a diagnosis, therapy, and medication. That they are stronger than us is an idea that is perpetuated again and again.

In light of this persistent and I believe wrong-headed attitude, I read with great interest this New York Times article about elderly people who start therapy late in life. I found it notable that the reason this generation didn’t seek therapy wasn’t that they were somehow stronger than us but rather that there was an enormous stigma to it. Note especially this section [emphasis mine]:

That members of the Greatest Generation would feel comfortable talking to a therapist, or acknowledging psychological distress, is a significant change. Many grew up in an era when only “crazy” people sought psychiatric help. They would never admit to themselves — and certainly not others — that anything might be wrong. “For people in their 80s and 90s now, depression was considered almost a moral weakness,” said Dr. Gallagher-Thompson. “Fifty years ago, when they were in their 20s and 30s, people were locked up and someone threw away the key. They had a terrible fear that if they said they were depressed, they were going to end up in an institution. So they learned to look good and cover their problems as best they could.”

It wasn’t that they were somehow better at handling their problems than we are. And in fact being forced to bury their problems probably made it that much harder for them to get the kind of help they needed, even as therapy became more accepted.

Drinking dry roasted edamame from a bag

elainermeyer — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:58:07 -0400

Drinking dry roasted edamame from a bag

Harlem River Drive I hope everyone at some point in his or her...

elainermeyer — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 09:29:53 -0400

Harlem River Drive

I hope everyone at some point in his or her life has a chance to listen to “Harlem River Drive” by Bobby Humphrey. Great song.

People who make rare appearances on Facebook

elainermeyer — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 22:01:20 -0400

Do you ever see a posting from someone who almost never posts on Facebook and you wonder, why on earth did this person choose this to post about? It will be for instance something silly about their pet, or cheering on their sports team, or an “I love my best friend”-type post. Something so utterly uncontroversial as to make it really truly mystifying that this person has restrained himself or herself from posting on Facebook for so long, only then to have chosen to post something so, so, so banal.

Or perhaps there’s something to be appreciated in a person who appreciates life’s simpler things.

Today in Amazon reviews: 'Soviet Filters"

elainermeyer — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 09:01:36 -0400

Amazon reviews are way too much fun. Here’s mine on Chemex Filters:

If you own a Chemex, you really don’t have a choice with filters. It’s these guys or nothing. So fine, I’ll go with your filters, Chemex, but I’ll continue to point out that as long as there is only one choice of Chemex filter, we all live in a one-filter state.

I love writing Amazon reviews

elainermeyer — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 17:01:37 -0400

It’s actually really fun. Here’s a recent one I wrote about Mad Men, Season 6:

Season 6 is shaping up well. It really got going once Pete Campbell emerged. For some reason he’s such a joy to watch. So far there’s a lot of setup, but I imagine pretty soon we’ll be seeing some of the big events happen.

Songs that are used in movie trailers There’s no way that...

elainermeyer — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 10:13:14 -0400

Songs that are used in movie trailers

There’s no way that “Feelin’ Alright” by Joe Cocker hasn’t been in at least five movie trailers.

elainermeyer: Watching Sea Lions at San Francisco Bay Nothing...

elainermeyer — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:01:17 -0400

elainermeyer:

Watching Sea Lions at San Francisco Bay

Nothing makes me love traveling across America more than standing passively among other Americans (and some foreigners) and commenting on things, especially when those things are animals, and especially when they’re sea lions and we’re in San Francisco.

This video is from a road trip I took last summer with my best friend from school up the California coast. Needless to say, we saw a lot of sea lions on the way.

The man in the cowboy hat and counseling

elainermeyer — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 09:01:32 -0400

In the story of the man in the cowboy hat who ran toward the explosion in Boston while others ran away, I couldn’t help but notice this fact [emphasis mine]:

When his 20-year-old son was killed in Iraq in 2004, Arrendondo was inconsolable. In his agony and rage, he set a van on fire and received help through counseling. Seven years later, his other son committed suicide.

It is pretty inspiring that a man who has gone through so much suffering and who once set a van on fire could do what he did at the Boston Marathon. I can’t help but think the counseling had something to do with it and to see this as an example of the importance of counseling, which is still so under-valued in our society.

hashtagawsu: America Won’t Shut Up About Toronto! From the...

elainermeyer — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 06:53:00 -0400

hashtagawsu:

America Won’t Shut Up About Toronto!

From the CN Tower to the NBA’s Raptors, this week, Americans everywhere are falling in love with easily one of the top three Canadian cities, Toronto!

On the Show:

We talk to a Toronto denier, and founding member of the activist group TiT (Toronto Isn’t True), Larry Byurd. (John Haskell)

We sit down with real-life Torontonian, Margeax Shoehorse. (Elaine Meyer)

We’re paid a visit from our good friend and Travel Writer for here2there.biz, Willard Zilch.

All that and more, plus music from the Foo Fighters.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE SHOW ON ITUNES | OR RSS

I joined the crew at the America Won’t Shut Up podcast with my good friend John Haskell for an hour of good, old-fashioned Torontonian fun!

Mom or scientist?

elainermeyer — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 08:30:00 -0400

When a successful woman is portrayed first as a mother and wife and not as she was professionally, it is often criticized, as it is in this article in reference to the obituary of rocket scientist Yvonne Brill.

She was a brilliant rocket scientist who followed her husband from job to job and took eight years off from work to raise three children. “The world’s best mom,” her son Matthew said.

What’s difficult for me in all of this is the implication that being a mother is less than being a scientist. It’s a tough issue, because it is certainly true that when a woman is referred to first as a mother and wife and then as a professional, her identity appears to become submerged.

But might it also be the case that we don’t value enough the role of being a mother? Can we be concerned when a New York Times obituary fails to mention a man’s role as a father? I think so. I think the criticism of the Brill obituary is totally valid, and yet I think we have a work-life balance problem in this country that manifests itself even in the way accomplished men and women view parenthood, marriage, and while we’re at it friendship (who ever talks about friendship in obituaries, after all?): as secondary to our occupations. We know that work can’t fulfill everything. Nothing can. But the argument among highly accomplished professionals revolves so much around work at the expense of everything else.

Edited to add a link to this article about Ambition which just came out in the Atlantic: Relationships are More Important than Ambition

Building the walk to the park into our lifestyles

elainermeyer — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:30:49 -0400

Researchers have long theorized that green spaces are calming, requiring less of our so-called directed mental attention than busy, urban streets do. Instead, natural settings invoke “soft fascination,” a beguiling term for quiet contemplation, during which directed attention is barely called upon and the brain can reset those overstretched resources and reduce mental fatigue. But this theory, while agreeable, has been difficult to put to the test.

-Easing Brain Fatigue with a Walk in the Park

I’m all for scientific research, but isn’t it a shame that money has to go to proving something that is so obvious? The real problem here is that very little experience with nature is built into our everyday lives. For many, work settings and built environment discourage it. So to do social norms, which are for one to eat lunch at one’s desk rather than step outside for a bit to seek peace and refuge. Even if one wants to take a walk, a lot of offices are not near parks and other green spaces. I hope this can change as we begin to appreciate how over-stimulated and fatigued our brain gets as a result of the computer and how much of a respite it is to go outside.

How can something be so much more fun retroactively than it was actively?

elainermeyer — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 22:24:35 -0400

How can something be so much more fun retroactively than it was actively?

The Morgan Library. Very cool place.

elainermeyer — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 21:33:23 -0400

The Morgan Library. Very cool place.

"By modernity, I mean the transitory, the fugitive, the contingent which make up one half of art, the..."

elainermeyer — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 13:57:00 -0400

“By modernity, I mean the transitory, the fugitive, the contingent which make up one half of art, the other being the eternal and the immutable.”

- Charles Baudelaire in Painter of Modern Life (1863)

Saw this quote yesterday at the Degas Cirque exhibit at the Morgan Library

Something very unsettling about a clear, glass elevator.

elainermeyer — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:30:04 -0400

Something very unsettling about a clear, glass elevator.

What I hate about editing

elainermeyer — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 08:31:00 -0400

I don’t hate the editing process. It is actually one of my favorite parts of writing. One reason I like it is that it means the writing is now largely done, and I’ve reacquired some sense of stability. Writing is freedom in a way, and freedom, as M. Scott Peck says in the book I’m currently reading, the Road Less Traveled, is scary. So I tend to like surrendering some freedom in editing, because I now have to edit within the structure of my paper.

What I do hate about editing is having to translate my paper copy edits to the word processor copy. It is the going over to the computer and having to interpret and type in my hieroglyphic edits, the arrows moving text around, the little carrots (i.e. this symbol: ^ ) with the little words above or below it. I find this an incredible drag, and I’m putting it off right now.

"American parents were the only ones to consistently mention their children’s advanced..."

elainermeyer — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 21:01:00 -0400

“American parents were the only ones to consistently mention their children’s advanced intellect, while other countries focused on qualities like “happiness,” being “easy” to manage, or the even more zen-like “well-balanced,” in Italy.”

- How Parents Around the World Describe Their Children, in Charts

The best writing

elainermeyer — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 20:42:00 -0400

In my effort to write something, I’ve been thinking hard recently about what I read and why I read it, and I’ve decided it must say something truthful, and it must be eloquent. And I realize these two things are very hard to integrate, being eloquent about the truth. I think it must be one of the most difficult things to do, and that’s why I regard Ralph Ellison and F. Scott Fitzgerald, and James Baldwin, and Virginia Woolf—and not many others—as brilliant. There are many eloquent writers. There are a decent number of truthful writers. But to do both is something else.